Excccuuussseee ME!

Apparently Bubba heard Mom's comment about the blog not being terribly interesting as of late - and decided he need to dance about a few buttons this morning and make things more entertaining... Thanks.

First - well first it is first thing in the morning - no talking no detailed lists of whatever the heck you find so terribly important and no whining. These are just rules normal decent human beings live by - I mean really who can retain any information at the moment their eyes open. Really.

Now he's up and talking as I am heading downstairs with the dogs... don't ask me what he said I have no clue and frankly wasn't listening. It is a very bad habit of Bubba's that the only time he wants to talk to me is when I'm washing clothes or doing dishes with running water from another room. I am breaking him of this habit but either not answering him or reply something to the effect of "Why do I want to neuter a fish? Is that what you said?" After several nonsensical statements he comes into the room which I am running water and in a huff, imparts the information to which I sweetly reply, "OH! well that makes much more sense I'd be glad to drop that check off at the bank tomorrow. No problem." Then I give him a cookie. What? It worked for the dogs.

So after tending to the pups and heading back up stairs he is in the middle of the longest morning shower in history. And no I haven't figure out if he's the cleanest man in the world or the dirtiest. I think it goes back to his childhood - I don't know this for a fact but I'd lay money that his mother checked post shower just to be sure. What else could he possibly be doing in there? (don't answer that)

So he finally emerges from the shower, dresses looks at me watching the Today show still in my jammies - and says... "going to do anything today?"

Excuse me? What possible wad could your underpants gotten into from the shower to your side of the bed. Six steps tops!! You've been in the shower for an hour - what would you like me to? Stand there with your towel and razor? NOT happening.

My response? A very pithy smirk - look people words don't come smoothly in the morning - so that was as pithy as it was going to get.

THEN - he makes his way down stairs and opens last night's mail - why did he wait? Because I pulled the mail out of my purse last night before I went to bed, because I forgot it was in there. Sue me - so I don't open a piece of mail for 24 hours trust me the world will not end. Bubba doesn't believe that but hey we'll just add that to the list of quirks he doesn't admit to having...

So, he opens the mail and there is a check in there - now I'm upstairs with the TV on, getting my clothes together and he's shouting, "Are doing to do something about this?" I so desperately want to say "My power to see through walls is limited before noon! Could you describe "this?" But I don't I simply grunt, "What?" "this check" "What check" then he describes the check that arrived in the mail yesterday.

Now I ask you - why couldn't you just say that first off and end this conversation by at least a good minute and no one is the shower scrubbing her hair to the point where she might pull out a hank or two. Am I right? Perhaps we need to have that mental telepathy discussion again... (see previous post search somewhere in 2009 - good luck) ;-)

Then the pokes again about the kitchen needing cleaning - which he had the nerve to ask me as I was falling asleep last night if I was going to "take care of this". Had I been more alert he would have been walking to work with a limp-- my aim was off. I told him this morning that the magic dish fairy will again wave her wand and make all that offending dirty dishes disappear....

And don't ask why Bubba can't do this - because he can't I truly believe he is physically unable to do dishes. He'll break out in some strange rash or something. Plus by the time he manages to get home it would be midnight before anything gets done.

And in the bonus round... Aunt Ing is being lazy and is working from home today - plus I'm in a cranky mood - after all that this morning who wouldn't be? But I think it might be PMS - problem is I don't have all the parts for that so I can't really tell anymore... but I have the bits that make women crazy and I think we're in the middle of that.. or maybe I'm just ticked off at Bubba - is that justifiable homicide? Just asking.

Oh and did I mention that the temperature is supposed to go DOWN this weekend? I'm going outside with a spray can... screw the polar bears I'm freezing! And oh joy 3 more inches of snow... at least it looks nice and has covered the mounds of black crusty and gross snow that has been left since the major snow in December.

I'm going to the island - screw this. (yeah still cranky)