My dietitian said before I have surgery I should write letter to myself so I can look back months or a year and say oh what a dork I was - or more likely for me - yep got that one right...
But as I face my last day of work, last minute getting stuff done and the prospect of surgery looming larger and larger my fear is mounting as it is what I do before medical stuff - my terror of something going wrong, I missed some random piece of paper or some other random esoteric crapola that will be the entire thing on the fast track to not done and then where will I be? Can't think of that because another month or two of multiple doctor appointments, paper work and the like and I may just shoot someone.
Then of course there is the thought that I show up Friday morning, all goes well, I go home Saturday and it's all groovy - then what? Oh sure I have all that paper work of what to expect and how to do this that the other and on and on but what if I screw up? My habits with diets is I fall back into old habits but with this I can't -- that is the whole point of the internal organ re-arrange isn't it?
They say your tastes change post surgery - will I awake liking pea and Brussel sprouts? I sincerely doubt it - perhaps I wouldn't mind a back off of the sugar junkie - but that will occur with said rearrange... so...
What I am telling myself S-Day -2? Depends upon which part of my brain I am listening to at any particular moment. Rational, list making brain says "No worries, you talked to surgical paper chick Monday and she said all that was needed was the last test you had on Monday. You got this girl."
Dark and twisty brain is saying thing to me I can't repeat in polite company.
Medical Panic brain is basically running around with her hair is smoldering - she knows something bad is coming but she's not sure what plus something smells funny...
The prepared brain that knows we're ready is apparently being held hostage by dark and twisty with help from Medical Panic. Hopefully she'll surface next week. Stay tuned.
But I sum it up with - I have friends and family that have given me the 'you'll do great' email, speech and other forms of thumbs up. And I am eternally grateful for that. Nana is coming so that I am not left alone by my husband full of pain meds, and so that he doesn't starve, the dogs are tended and so that the magical machines known as the stove, the dishwasher and the washing machine still work their magic while Aunt Ing is high as a kite on pain meds.
So a year from now June 13th - (oh crap - at least it's not a Friday) I will be notably thinner, my prevailing health issues will be gone or well under control without additional medication, I will remember my vitamins regularly I will not have lost all my hair and I will make Bubba cry with my demands for a new wardrobe that isn't from Bargain Barn... can you say COOL MALL?!
I don't have a clothing size in mind for final loss numbers - but something outside the short and chubby section would be a nice change of pace. Buying stuff on sale would be fun. Still won't wear big flowers on my backside - seriously - no way regardless of size. I want to be able to move, and walk and keep up with everyone and well - look good doing it.
So Saturday when it's all over but the crying into my protein shake I will think to myself - personal shopper at Sakes and smile happily.
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