I'm sure you all expected news of the holiday joy and stress yesterday but alas once again Bubba has managed to give the home computer the cyber-clap. Its like people clap - red, itchy and gross but in electron form. With all that scratching it slows down the computer to something akin to dial up with a Commodore 64*.
So let's start with the trip home - as those are always fun... now as documented here i was a busy girl Wednesday and still managed to get a lot of things done, done well and still I got no help. Bubba calls and says he's on his way... then the negotiations begin, do you want to go tonight or in the morning, its up to you, no I didn't work all day - do you want me to drive - bla bla bla.... end of discussion I make the decision. As I made the decision apparently that also includes packing the car - alone - while someone watches hockey... Let that sink in boys and what would you give? This prize pack can be yours if you are a self-centered pain in the backside!!-- your wife in a desperate move to get things done will pack up HER family truckster with all gifts, suitcases and doggie extras and stand around for another 15 minutes while you enjoy that first period of hockey game... which started an hour ago because well you have to work and just can't get home before 8 PM - any night of the week.
Ahem. So, truck is packed, dogs are ready, Bubba does manage to get the cover on my back seats as we have so much stuff that I had to take the doggy space, and put the dogs in the backseat. Of course that came with a bit of 'fun' as trips with Bubba are wont to do. With doggy in backseats we must harness our pup Shelby otherwise she will want to come up front and help you drive. And she's not that helpful - in fact it's hard to see the road with a big black dog head in your face and a wet tongue trying to distract you to pay attention to her. Why yes I have been there why do you ask?
Any-who... Shelby jumps into the truck no worries, I have to lift Violet into the car, and in an attempt to lighten the last load to the car, I toss the dog blankets on the backseat and somehow that becomes the focus of the issue that Bubba can't get the seat belt locked. Now I don't know where the connection is as the blankets were not on his "side" of the seat but that was the focus so once again yours truly is the bad guy. Like I cared, I got settled and off we went... and as we pulled out of the driveway he looks and me says, "Those candle things in the window - when do they go out? In the morning? Is that automatic?"
Let me 'splain why this statement makes my head hurt - we've had those candles up since the second week of December this year - and I've put those candles up in the windows almost every year we have been in the house - 12 years...and he looks at me with all sincerity and asks when they go out? And are they automatic? No dear when I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I go around and turn off all the candles so they aren't working when you get up. Dorkus.
Drive home, uneventful which is nice. I tried to read but my light was on the dying end so... had to watch Bubba drive. And I wondered why I was awake when we arrived at Nana's. Who was up and waiting for us... we went to bed and died.
THURSDAY -
Awakened by "The Paw" - also known as Shelby won't take NO for an answer. So crawl out of bed grope for glasses, clothing and fighting the urge to pinch the living devil out of Bubba on my way out of the bedroom... making Shelby bark as we left - that was a side benefit and completely accidental - really.
Helped Nana get things ready for the invasion of Friday, chatted with the uncle up from Florida and realized his days aren't filled with much as we heard the same story twice on Thursday and more than that on Friday. Hey limited topics, short stories told again and again. He did love my pups - so they were rubbed and loved and sneaked goodies every time I looked but they were happy so it's all good. Although I did issue the standard warning, you feed something to Shelby that gives her the SBD's (silent but deadly) she sleeps with you. We've come close a few times but never had to enforce that rule.
Bubba went running for the one thing I forgot to do Wednesday - movie for his father - and (unknown to me until Christmas) something for me! One day a year the dorkus manages to do something nice... then there was the rest of the weekend.
The big event on Thursday was ordering pizza - I think D-Day took less negotiations. And yeah we got - you don't like those little fishes - no one else does, throttle back Uncle R.
Friday aka the invasion and the trip....
Up moving, showered, dressed, Nana cooked, first Niece M and both her parents arrive, then Niece E and Niece Z arrive with Puppy Windex and it was bedlam. The good kind. We ate too much, enjoyed the presents and the excited squeals of small girls and gifts, and some times I think I missed half of it. Shelby and Violet were surprisingly good dogs, and well hidden in the may-lay of wrapping paper, boxes and small feet running hither tither and yon. That is when I discovered my Bubba had done something nice - and made me feel uncaring - then my father reminded me of the other 364 days of the year and I called it even. You see we are getting smart phones and as previously documented it bothers him that our bill will double and the phones are pricey - as such we don't have them yet. I thought we agreed that there was no worries about not having something to open under the tree - we don't need it - but he decided we did. And I have a nice new Steeler sweatshirt to wear... and I didn't get him anything. Butthead - but like I said we're even and I'm SO over that... it took about 8 hours and a trip to his mothers.
Late Friday....
We leave the winding down of bedlam and head to (insert organ music here) the In-laws... Now both Bubba and I were worried that we were late and surprising to us - no phone calls asking where we were... we discovered we were the first ones there. We beat the nieces and (family) to my sister in-law's home. We were warmly greeted all was well I accepted a glass of homemade wine - laced with Sprite "to give it some sweetness it needs it." I drank it - I didn't like it - but I drank it! Oh and stating one doesn't like wine with Sprite is considered "bitching about one's family" When I finally get that Bubba to logic dictionary/encyclopedia/google machine I let you know what the sam hell that means... ANY way. Food was offered and politely declined (ate like a pig at mama's)
Here is the story of the day... now I am no longer really comfortable with my in-laws as EVERYTHING I say is taken wrong, misinterpreted or whatever by my husband and/or every member of his family so I say little these days. It saves the argument (there still was one - more on that later) Niece A walks in with her family in tow, J, Ad, and Baby Daddy #2. Baby Ad sees cookies I tell Niece A that a cookie I made doesn't have much sugar and is hard, she shouldn't have much trouble with it. I forgot baby drool has the chemical compound of battery acid and as this kid munched, drooled and worked this cookie became a crumbly mess - which as babies are wont to do began to smear it all over the table and her. Little did I know that this was a MAJOR issue that baby has goo in her hair and the table had crumbs on it. Oh I know messy is an issue with this bunch but babies are nothing new around here. Apparently they missed the memo - babies are messy.
so after a few minutes and half the cookie gone Niece A takes the cookie away causing tears, and her and my sister in law are literally on the floor scrubbing up cookie mess from a 9 month old baby. Seriously. I felt awful as if I had done something, really people, a wet paper towel and move on with your lives, breaking out Clorox clean up and dish rash in the middle of Christmas Eve was really overdoing it!!!
After that gifts were opened - couldn't get a picture of either kid as 4 people stood there taking pictures so I got two butt shots and quit trying. Screw it. Bubba and I opened our gifts thanked our giftees, it was noted later "oh what cute outfits who gave the kids clothes? Thanks grandma" I chimed in "you're welcome but it's still Aunt Ing and Uncle Bubba" Humor was lost on all... I don't know why I tried - another reason I say as little as possible.
I still managed to stick my foot in it - Niece A leaves her crying daughter in a strange crib and goes outside to smoke. I stood in another room for 10 minutes listening to that kid cry - I looked at my mother-in=law said screw it she's outside and went and picked up that baby. I walked with her she calmed down a bit but when her mother walked in it was tears all over again. She was taken, given to her grandmother then a bottle was made and all was right in her world. So again I managed to screw things up without really trying. It was a short night, my sister in law went to bed at 10 as she had to work the next day, Bubba's parents left soon after, and Niece A before them. Bubba and I stuck around talking to his brother-in-law but in true bubba fashion he had so much to say I jumped in - then I get the kick under the table.
Let me go off on a tangent here - I can't tell you how much I HATE that kick under the table when his royal highness decides that something isn't to his liking that I have said. I have taken up to stopping mid-sentence and asking if he has an issue. He does not and will not discuss that in front of any one including the woman he's kicking. So then I keep going - kiss my grits. tightass.
With Niece D having to also go to work in the morning, we went home and were home by midnight - a WHOLE lot earlier than I expected.
CHRISTMAS DAY
Shelby let us sleep in - scratch that Shelby let ME sleep in. And Nana didn't wake us for church - so another ticket punched... can't make church on Christmas even... Nana said she prayed for me so I got that going for me - which is nice (say it like Bill Murry in Caddy shack works better).
Very mellow Christmas was the theme except for me... I in a fit of I don't know what decided I was cooking Christmas dinner with recipes and all. I did all the shopping, and then got to work, post lunch and putz and the rest... Roast beef, smashed potatoes with cheese and a crumb topping and asparagus with Dijon dressing. Much to my amazement - it was GOOD! Not that any other member of my family except Nana had anything nice to say about the meal. Potatoes needed seasoning, and they were lumpy, asparagus was cold, those veggies under the meat was good. Beef was fine. Yeah well next year eat baloney sandwiches and leave me alone. Cold, and lumpy - I was not happy after all that. But I liked it and that is what matters! (see tongue sticking out here)
My uncle sauntered to the table after we all began to eat - it might have smelled good even though he said he wasn't hungry - he had 3 helpings of veggies. (not the cold ones)
Dinner done, bellies full - in between I tell Mr. Cranky Pants he's got to get the car packed up if he wants to leave at o-dark 30 - again. But I have interrupted his zen or chi or I have simply disturbed his force with an actual get off your lazy ass and do something request. But he does, but as I'm trying to prepare dinner he says come in here and organize this so I can take it out to the car. and he gets cranky when I tell him to wait as I've got my hands rubbing spices on a hunk of beef... what I should have done is walked in as I was and began doing the job so he could carry boxes smeared with olive oil and garlic out to my car. As I didn't want my new clothes or my car to smell like Vinnie's Italian Restaurant - he had to wait. And we all know how much he loves to wait.
He got the car loaded, we went to bed and arose before, god, country, Al Roker and most drill Sargent's to "beat the traffic" at this unholy hour we were going to be competing with the drunks just getting home. I cannot beat it into his head that if you leave later in the day you miss the traffic too... but he doesn't believe me and since he can attempt to do 85 on the Turnpike going home... he loves it plus he gets the day at home - where I would rather be with people who like me longer. Plus I am tired all day when we do that and I don't want bothered but bothered was certainly in Bubba's game plan Sunday... let's do this, clean this up, roll coins, bla bla bla.... LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE I BEAT YOU SENSELESS...or more senseless than you already are. Yeesh.
Oh and the snow we were supposed to be buried in - was 4 freaking snow flakes and a lot of cold wind. but I'm not complaining about that one.
MONDAY...
Now Monday boys and girls was Aunt Ing's day... Bubba went to work, I slept in, putzed about, took the computer to the doctor, went to the bank and deposited all those freaking coin rolls then went and go a massage - oh it was wonderful. I'm ready to go back... made another appointment in January - post testing. I enjoyed a quiet afternoon, made dinner got a "sauce is good" and considered it a win. Oh if everyday was a mental health day like that one... but alas
We are now into Tuesday at work too early, working past time to go home and basically haven't accomplished much. No one else is here so it's really not that big of a deal...
To sum all this up, I did have a good time - Bubba is Bubba... oh one final tale....
THE WRAP UP "discussion" on the way home.
1) Stating that home made wine with Sprite tasted awful is the same as bitching about your in-laws. I do not get where this comes from - but he had to grump about something.
2) making a joke between you and your mother where sort-of-quoting the movie line "the only reason they are nice to me is because I have more money than god" is stating how much money we make in front of my uncle and my family... (which at that point was mom, dad, and uncle) IT WAS A JOKE and an inside one at that...
3) When arguing those points above - you have an attitude problem and all you say is negative... you stop talking start reading and wonder why you didn't spike that morning cup of joe.
Stay tuned for the rest of the week, and home alone with Bubba for New Years Day. Let's be grateful for Hockey.
Amen.
*Commodore 64 for those under the age of 20 was a computer that added two numbers together in the time it takes you to order a grande latte at Starbucks... yes it was that slow.
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