The following tale is true - only the names have been changed to protect the technically challenged...
First the phone call at work, "Hey - how do I print this attachment that isn't really an attachment? She sent this to me but not like I usually get it - and why do I need this now? This won't happen until next year don't these people get I've got other major fires burning right now?"
My reply - "Mom?"
"What?"
"Just checking ---Now breathe - single sentences and pause between each statement so the information will not just flow into one ear and out the other on to the floor - as a self preservation mechanism. But first is anything on fire - literally?"
"Fire? No."
"Good begin."
"A lady in my group sent me some papers via email that she scanned, only she didn't do it like I did it."
"OK that means her email accepts the scans - yours doesn't. Right click on the page, does a menu appear with print on it?"
"Yeah - you're so smart"
"No just been a geek for a bit there Ima Lou*" (Remember we changed the names wink wink)
"Oh no now it wants me to install a printer**" **Now I should have asked more questions but I took her word that that was indeed the menu that appeared. Stupid.
"Ah Ok Mom - tell you what - why don't you just send it to me I'll attach it how you're used to seeing and then you can print. She did that I did my part send it back... next call.
"It still won't do it right!"
I open the email I sent, open the attachment then realize what she's seeing in the print menu - we walk through it - and all is well. Until...
Pulling out of the parking garage at work, it's her again - "I can't remember how I scan and attach this to my email." You can hear the pitch and the tone across the many miles - this won't be a short call... and me driving the beltway. "Tell you what call me when you get home from work...." and that is where the fun really started.
Got home, putzed, did dishes, loved pups, fed pups... then remember I had a pending tech call - I really did feel guilty about that. So called home and got - "insert stream of words here that lost all meaning while we logged on and she attempted to describe the problem."
"Mom breathe - we'll do this in two steps"
"But - but but you have to attach and...." "IMA!"
At this point my father picks up the other phone and says, "I have to hear both sides of this conversation - if her side is that funny I can just imagine what you're saying to her."
Great witnesses.
Slowly we walk through scanning - now keep in mind you have to keep repeating that you have to scan first before you can attach anything in email - so we get that message conveyed then we move on to how to scan... "Do I do this to Word or to a file?" Now usually we scan to file - she hasn't mentioned scanning to Word... Now keep in mind that I don't have a scanner so I have to do this while she's telling me what she sees on the screen. (No I wasn't drinking - yet)
So first we try to scan to Word only to realize it tried to convert it into the an actual Word document that you could edit... it didn't work. I do believe one word uttered was "gibberish". Ok I realized my mistake - listen to my head when it says SCAN TO FILE MORON. So next we can save to file. Now I'm thinking it should give you the option to tell the scanned file where to go and what name I want to give it... not according to Mom - I mean Ima. Now the fun really got started because the might oak of the stubbornness tree from which my sister and now her daughter have 'blossomed' is arguing with me that the file is not in the "My documents" folder but something called "My scanned."
Now let me pause and give my tech savvy friend a moment to catch her breath -- because if I know Gigs she's laughing like a loon right now ... hang on girlfriend it gets better.
Did I mention that "Harry" is listening in and laughing as well as Ima's pitch goes up and my teeth loose another layer of enamel. It's a family isn't it?
Ok so I pull out a sheet of paper and write down the folder name because by the time I get around to attaching it to email... I'm going to need it as my brain will be pudding. Desperately trying to convince Mom-er Ima that My Scans is indeed 'part' of My Documents. "OK -- Ima - go to Start, my computer, my documents and look for the FOLDER called my scanned click on that - what are the files names there?"
"What is the recycle bin?"
"Stuff you've deleted."
"Hey - you know those money files I was looking for they are in there - I can't delete those - I'll lose all my money."
(insert head banging on desk here)
IMA!! What are the file names of the pages you scanned?
"Oh - scan 08, 09 and 10." (Writing quickly as things are now leaking out of my head and the desk can't take much more banging)
OK clear out -NO - just X out of there.
"Are you sure - that won't delete anything?"
"No you're just closing the window - you know this."
"I do but I get so darn frustrated." (Really? Hadn't noticed -- Dad um - Harry all that laughter is NOT helping)
Open your email. "OK hang on a minute I have to type out her address and a message'
I got a snack, a personal visit and a quick chat with Dad in...
"OK now how do I found those files?"
Click on the attach button - Now I thought I was home free as we have similar emails at home... but no the gods of technology were against me - hers didn't look like mine. Ah well.
So having to walk her through step by step - she now trusted me (mostly) that where I told her to look the files would indeed be there... now here becomes a problem when 'Ima' thinks she knows where she is she gets three steps ahead of me and then asks "What happened"
Cwap - "Where are you Ima?"
"lightening quick on that mouse trigger isn't she?" Thanks Harry.
OK... Walk Ima through attaching her files - WAIT FOR IT... You have to threaten her with physical harm through the phone if she hits one button before the computer tells her the files are attached. Remember people this is a home computer on a DSL line we're not talking T1's.
(for you non geek people - that's driving around the DC beltway at 5:00 Pm on Friday afternoon of a holiday weekend -you ain't going no where fast - versus the same beltway on a Tuesday morning in March at 4 AM a bit quicker)
I said wait - Harry said wait - Ima kept talking is it doing anything? Is it too big? What do I do then? Oh hey look its done!!
Harry made the good suggestion she copy herself on the email so she will see what her person will receive. It all sounded good.. we signed off I went for a manicure and freaked when the phone rang. It wasn't Mom.
Today holds a wedding, Bubba home and other such fun stuff. I think I'm going to go take a nap.
Oh and my home computer screen is failing so every 30 seconds to a minute it blinks gray then comes back... I think it wants me to go to Best Buy and hurt those Geek squad guys... I really think it's time to log off...
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