Where is my vacation?

I'm am the stuckee for the project's big audit... late last night a WHOLE BIG list of "crap we need" came from the Audit team. I have spent my entire day dealing with this. And frankly they are asking for crap we don't have...

Let me 'splain for folks who don't live in this world-o-mess...
1) there is a standard to which we were supposed to be living up to; it has levels 1-5. Level 5 is hard with lots and lots of stuff do deal with,

2) we are supposed to be doing the Level 5 stuff,

3) We haven't been - it hasn't been a project priority,

4) Frankly getting the code jockeys in the deep south to do level 2-3 stuff is akin to pulling the rotted tooth from an angry bear in March. (just woke from winter nap - think people)

5) For the initial - "here is our stuff" I crammed every square peg into every round hole presented to me...

6) We are now being "reviewed" and my square pegs are being found lacking... which means I have to find another color of a square peg and jam it back into their round hole, all the while convincing them that this new color really is a new thing and it fits just fine in that round hole...

7) They took down our servers at 4:00 Pm so any new colors of square pegs I would have sent are now unavailable.

I'm running out of polite words to tell the audit committee "we don't do this!" Because their answer is "why not - you belong to this organization" My response to that bit of fluff is to point to my boss and the deep south team and say - talk to them. I'm going to get a drink. I just sent an email asking our inside man for a bit of help... we'll see what that gets me. Besides in more hot water...

Haven't talked to Bubba today - twice yesterday - and in a good mood! Go figure. Today could be a whole 'nuther story... we shall see. I'm going home, and buying dinner.

I will go shopping for the invasion tomorrow. Signed off - had enough. :-/