Part XVIIZIXIOZ....screw it there aren't enough roman numerals for the number of times Bubba and I have had this chat. We've been married over 20 years and much to my amazement we haven't manged to 1) kill one another 2) end up as a special episode of Cops and 3) keep jobs with paychecks. Number 3 probably being the easiest of the lot due to non-spousal involvement - like the blog. ;-)
Yesterday I was looking forward to a majorly Bubba-free day. He had to work, so he's up showered - see ya have a nice day dear - don't you worry about me. But did he just get into his zoom-zoom automobile and just go? No, of course not. I heard the door to the garage open-close; open-close; open-close; open-close - there should have been one maybe two if he left the paper with me. When we got to 3 and 4 I knew something was up - when I got the "come here for a minute" I knew I was doomed. Anyone venture to guess? Really people you need to keep up - for those of you who do your homework - yes it was wire in the garage - let me repeat that THEY ARE IN THE GARAGE. I am so happy we have a whitey-white (for suburban laundry don't you know) ;-) setting on the washer because as often as Bubba's are in a bunch I'm amazed they aren't another color. Yes gross I know but hey - what else can account for this man's thought process .... Getting back to the story at hand...
It is Saturday morning I'm still in my pj's looking forward to doing my day my way - until I get the summons to the garage for yet another discussion of the wires that go no where. And yet another series of questions I can't answer. What are these for? Why did he this? What was he looking for? See previous post for my thoughtful and thought provoking answers of "I dunno" and "call large annoying phone company."
To which Bubba states "call them tell they we are unhappy and deal with this." My quip, pre-shower and coffee "You call them - or break out the duct tape and tape them out of your way - I never see them - I don't use the garage much." After some grumbling - he said fine I take care of it. Sure you will pumpkin. I'm certainly not going to mention it again. Yeesh.
So finally I watch him pull out of said garage, and down the street. I make coffee, I shower, dress, gather laundry, make breakfast, unload the dishwasher, do laundry - read the manual again, check the darn thing to make sure it's doing something (its SO quiet!) love the pups make an attempt to clip their nails - better when Bubba is home, Shelby not mooching for cookies and Violet easier to deal with - without Shelby mooching for cookies. You get the idea.
Now things pretty much hit zen mode - its good... then of course Bubba radar that Aunt Ing is content alerted Bubba and pop went the Zen. No he didn't arrive home early and fine me in some compromising position with olive oil and a masseuse named Sven... He just called and that boys and girls fuels the Sven fired day dreams. As I've said before heaven forbid something happen to Bubba because I would not waste my time with another one - the man hours training the one I got - I can't do it again too old and too lazy.
And I've wandered again... so the phone call. Bubba calls, we discuss dinner plans, we talk about pups, then he hits me with "we need to decrease our spending by 20%." What am I the department of State here? Really cupcake? Where would you like me to stop spending food or gas? Dealers choice! So we start, and of course its one thing its another it's "lodge crap" its 70 bucks spent on the girls last month, something done once per year... round and round we go, I don't care - pack your own lunch.... bla bla bla - we know the buttons and the dancing across said buttons has begun. Finally we end with "fine" "fine" and of course I call Nana because the red haze in front of me needed a place to go. I promised to replace the melted headset... its in the mail Nana I swear. ;-)
So 45 minutes of chat chat I don't get bla bla, he's an idiot, no you don't and where does he come up with this crap? I felt better - I made Nana laugh and went on about my day. Bubba managed to get home at 11 Pm last night - so my little plan for separate but equal didn't get off the ground last night...
Sunday - as Sunday morning. Bubba and bagels and the paper. He called his Mama, after a question of how was the family (all well) we start the minor details of the day. We had the Quicken discussion I updated the wrong file, the moved all the extra files, then realized I had to re-update the right file, Bubba balanced the checkbook and finally I goosed his fanny into lunch out. We enjoyed and things were zippy, quick trip to the grocery store, and its all good.
We began the money discussion - this version much like Sunday it was smooth and easy. Bubba has stated things like we need to cut back on the n"nice-to-haves" in our lives. Really pumpkin? What are you giving up - because frankly dear while I'm still working - Aunt Ing is NOT giving up her hairdresser and the magic make-gray-go-away elixir she has. Is not happening. We can scale back the nails - but that is about it dear. Oh and did I mention while we're having this discussion he's headed for a massage - 40 minute drive away?
Thankfully today - his royal highness was in a more mellow mood so the hypocrisy of that statement and his actions were fully acknowledged. I'll get right on the budgetary issue dear - as soon you do - and right after I enact the Aunt Ing slush fund - which will have a minor contribution bi-weekly from HER paycheck and that will be deemed a "No Bubba" zone.
Get cooking Bubba - Aunt Ing is considering a strike. And you better learn how to iron sugar - because I ain't running shirts to the cleaners anymore either....20% my left pedicured toe.
To my southern relatives and friends April 12, 1865 - first shot of the War of Northern Aggression wear your gray and remember according the the last census - the south is rising again. Break out the currency boys - we told you it'd be worth something again.*
*For those of you not in the know - Nana of the Grey contingent - Pap most definitely Blue. Aunt Ing's birth certificate has the stars and bars, her siblings - not so much. The Civil War was always alive and well in our house. After all we were the only kids on the block in PA who ate grits for breakfast and knew what "Sweet tea"was... :-)
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