I'd be in jail.... sing with me now!!! OK never mind I'll make up my own words... with or without you. Once again I am faced with the cold hard facts that I did not marry Bubba the builder. As previously documented a few weekends ago tragedy struck our home with the spontaneous collapse of closet number1 and the calculated idiot fueled (yes on my part) collapse of closet number 2. Well with the arrival of the mother-in-law (who are great people by the way) this weekend we are in hurry up mode to get things done.
Now one of us was up about 5ish with a full bladder and the sound of something dripping... (eewww not that - like water outside coming in... really, where does your brain go) Apparently the same place mine did when I wrote that OK moving on. ANY way... up, business tended going back to sleep, drop, drop drop sleep... drop drop drop, up at 6:30 AM with small reading light feeling the walls because I know something has sprung a leak... dry dry dry no water dry, dry - Shelby doing the dance - something else about to be wet ... fine we're up.
Shelby and Violet are let out at 6:45 AM this morning for me to find on October 29th in Maryland - which is BELOW the Mason Dixon Line it was SNOWING... and worse sticking to the grass, the deck, the trees, the dogs... not the way to greet such an early Saturday morning. But we did... fed, mellow, watched the weather - warnings and whatever... went back upstairs to bed hoping to catch an hour or two I've got a busy day ahead of me.... but alas I laid there - read a bit then the alarm went off I've got a 9AM nail appointment so up putz again, make myself a PB and J and ran off to the bank and nail salon only to get there and the place is dark!! Fine I wandered into Starbucks they weren't overly busy got myself a nice large coffee and by 9:10 the salon is packed and I'm late. Groovy. No worries nails done and VERY dry as the nail lady was balancing me and another client and I knew when I got home Bubba the un-handy was going to make me work on closets... wasn't screwing up a fresh paint job.
Got home, and yes he was working on closet 2 smaller and able to maneuver about without assistance for which we quietly said a Thanks to the big guy above. He apparently enjoyed my small offering so much he opened my eyes to the rest of the story.... when Bubba was done in closet number 2; I was told I could then "clean up" OK fine - got out the vacuum cleaner only to discover Bubba the wonder builder didn't move the stuff in the bottom of the closet - he patched, sanded and painted while suit cases and other miscellaneous crapola sat at the bottom of the closet NOW covered in fine white dust (and not the illegal kind!!) I look at him - "you dork!" then I have to move all this stuff, dust it off with the vacuum cleaner, and of course in the process of moving all this crap you spread the love of small white particulates every freaking where... so instead of a quick zip zip it's zip, zip, suck suck (move dog) toss this away - what IS this?? and that was the smaller closet... Bubba's answer to the bigger one in which he also patched, sanded and painted with stuff on the floor? HE MOVED IT without my dusting it off - now remember that HIS mother is coming for a visit.. so to say I cleaned that room within an inch of it's life is a major understatement. Considering if Bubba the inept builder had moved all the suitcases etc. in the first place the entire thing would have taken 5 minutes total...
So we are on to closet number 2 which is the large one, and the one that fell due to constant pressure over a number of years and not the double flip with a half twist pull landing my husband thinks I was doing on the closet bar... really. Now he looked all construction guy - without the belt but he had his drill his screw driver and his level so bonus points for tools... then things start to slid into Home Improvement territory and Tim the Tool man is in the house, first there is the each end sliding into the right plastic holder dance, my side up his side down, around and around we go step one - each side is in, then we move to the hokey pokey of the shifting left and right as the person who cut these originally didn't measure them right and they are short (a clue to previous failure - Bubba not interested) So there is the oh-so-delicate balance of shifting to hold just right without fallout out of said NEW plastic holder. OK so in, shifted now Aunt Ing's job is to hold the shelf upright on both sides from the middle, I look like they paused the wedding video on the Y of YMCA. Of course now Bubba the OCD is in full flame and I stand there as he watches the bubble on the level move back and forth and he's staring at it as if the mysteries of life are in the darn thing. I start shifting the shelf until it lines up - see Bubba even Aunt Ing the nerd knows that much... work with me.
So one side even and level does he mark that? No he moves to the other side, same dance, same blank stare into the bubble, me shelf shifting and finally he marks it up with a pencil Then we have to take down the oh-so carefully place shelf so he can install new wall holders to better hold up the shelf which will now be holding 60% less that it was. Oh goodie. All is installed, cleaned and the rehanging begins... I have gowns in my cellar - must go invest in some garment bags to protect them from things I am not thinking about right.
With that little chore done we head out to the Halloween store because Bubba wants to add to his costume - I ask him how exactly he's going to eat or drink with this large grim reaper mask on his face... he manages it but NO ONE can hear or understand him - well that happens without the mask too but this just made things worse. To say this store was busy is like saying Shelby enjoys her food in small but quick bites (i.e. she inhales it) YEESH and OMG even. And of course as we're checking out the guy drunk at 1:20 PM on Saturday afternoon asks my husband where the bathroom is... it must be those boyish good looks that makes him such a target for the drunks.
My costume is completed at the K-mart - for what I thought would be cheap accessories turned into 20 bucks worth of enhancements. Ah well.
For the record, I put on a fancy dress put up my hair, over did the makeup and donned gloves, jewelry and a little business card pinned to my dress stating "I AM the 1%" (versus the 99% those occupy wall street people are camping out for) not that I am going to get into that mess here.. Bubba puts on eye black a mask, black robe and head cover, his new accessory (the big blade the grim reaper hold) and away we go. Oh and did I mention Bubba's little card said I'm after the 1% har har har...
I won't mention we went to the Halloween store first Bubba finds his accessory (I can't spell it!) decides it's too much can't find a 'cool' one at K-mart we go BACK to the crazy store get what he wants and then finally something to beat back hungry and then on our way home, we discover the in laws are ahead of us!! Great - you know because Bubba is so super excited to see his family - me too - because we are nice people.
(ahem - sorry had to choke back -- something)
We went to dinner - enjoyed LOTS of good gossip which I'm going to save for tomorrow's little tryst - now I must go find my pillow for it is another day and this one started way too early.
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