GAS?!?!?!???

Allow me to paint a picture of Thursday (today) in Aunt Ing's world.   Got to sleep in because I have a doctor's appointment this AM - once a year - get it over with.   So, up, Shelby was dancing to out -- Violet moving her now usual pace of 'pokey' - we do puppy breakfast - watch the Today Show realize we don't miss it - also realized for all the fumbling I do at o-dark-30 in the AM - don't miss mornings with Bubba that much.   Oh sure it was nice to chat and plan a day - and note that he would *try* to get home on time tonight... and it was still nice... but not every day nice. 

So up, moving, breakfast - calculating points for the new eating plan we started Tuesday at work... well the meetings are at work on Tuesdays- terribly convenient.  ANY way get all that tended to, rush out the door to the appointment... fearing the worst of waiting forever (as I did last time) but no, in out, update forms, quick discussion on things in that general part of the body... all good.  The check, and we're done - we'll call you in a week if there is an issue.  Groovy.  45 minutes.  I was happy!  Got gas with my grocery store points, and in a fit of new diet resolve - I was jones'in for caffeine so I hit the Dunkin' doughnuts drive through and got a coffee - regular one shot of skim milk and low cal sweetener.... and inhaled DEEPLY when at the window getting my skinny coffee... 4 weeks from now - let us all hope I have the same will power....

OK so to work, nice ride, MD cops everywhere.. so didn't zippy or do-dah my way in... got in big note on my screen, in meeting come find us!  So I did - got that done, logged on began what was to be a normal day... then the phone rang....

"Hey it's your Dad, mom's in an ambulance, she said her chest felt heavy, she's sweating, her pulse in the toilet, (insert buzzing noise here... as my brain scrambles to cancel weekend, work off - dealing with Bubba)  We were on the phone for a bit, I made sure he had stuff for himself in case of long ride and tests, etc.  He was prepared, following the ambulance (it was later noted that Mom mentioned he was close to the bumper - Pap said something about just because he could read her lips didn't mean he was that close).   Let us all be grateful for no sudden stops - and the intense skill of a worried Pap.  

Needless to say - poof when the Zen of a regular boring Thursday at work... oh I got some things done - once and then again when I proof read, and spell checked and doubled checked and debated if logging off and sitting under my desk until Dad called would be more productive.   But I didn't. I kept going - had lunch, counted my points, drank all my water - made numerous trips to the ladies room - water+ aunt ing's tiny bladder= worn carpet. (from back and forth to the rest room!!! really people that's just sick to think anything else!)

Finally, after several hours,  Pap calls - she's fine... its GAS.   Seriously Nana?!  Gas?  You're clutching your chest like Fred Sanford telling us he's coming to see Elizabeth - and all you had to do was fart?   (snort - giggle)  This isn't funny!  (hee hee) - seriously!  (ahem - giggle)  REALLY!  Yeesh.   So they are running more tests, just to be sure, and all that good stuff but signs tell us that she will be home for dinner - and all is well.   Perhaps they will send her home with Beano - or maybe GasX... I see a basket in her future - thank you for scaring the pants off your family because you didn't eat enough fiber - and frankly knowing how these old people eat - maybe it was too much fiber - we need to go home - inject a little fat and chicken wing grease and everything will flow just fine...

Good heavens could we please get off this subject and part of my mother's bathroom habits. (shaking off that oogie feeling.... and let's move on shall we?)

So, the rest of my day will be quiet, as I got in late, I will be working late - get home, make dinner, enjoy it with Bubba and manage to get my lazy fanny up early tomorrow for a short friday - oh and for a bonus - massage scheduled!!!  After today - all zen and zippy.

Now with all that feel good news - allow me to document Bubba's reactions - his concerns were cancelling things this weekend, regarding "Lodge crap that is all your fault and is impossible to get out of...bla bla bla...(stopped listening)."   Listen pumpkin - it's called a phone - ask person X for his cell number you call that cell number and have the meeting remotely - think outside your steel box Bubba.... I know your walls are thick like your head - but there is not a soul in that group that would have issue with what happened.   Accountants are not known for their creativity unless you're one of those who manage to 'hide' this that and the other..  I didn't marry the creative accountant - I married the oober honest, anal retentive ninny extraordinaire - accountant - with a work-aholic complex.   Oh lucky me...

I will not mention the unhappy tone that came after I told him he could stay in MD - while I went to PA!  I know - OMG he'd have to fend for himself... good heavens we can't have that now can we?    Thankfully - Nana and her Digestive Air Distress masquerading as a heart attack - has been proven to be a non-issue (I hope as they are still running tests) and I won't have to kill Bubba and make a sick women lie to the police... but I have face powder to make her look more pale - just in case.  ;-)   "Yes Nana  - I was here - remember.... "

And we just jumped the rails into dark and twisty didn't we... sorry.  Ahem.  Ok back on track.  

Perhaps I should remind Bubba that my being on a diet, and him being a dork about crapola are not compatible with walking around without a limp... I'm just saying.   Perhaps I will go chew more carrots - because they are just like junk food that usually solves the stress, emotional eating I usually do... yeah that's work... How many points in a double martini???

What?  It's low in carbs!  :-)